nomoremondaysIts been a rough week. The council saw me toting the VPHS-12 Plazma rifle around the space station this week. Turns out my intention to sell it was just a play to shut them the fuck up. I need this thing. Boy they were mad. When the lictor asked what the fuck I was doing with that thing, I told him I’d seen a rogue sex robot down on three and it had a hard on for me specifically. They probably know who did that…thing…to them in Greater Croatia and have been hunting me. The guard was incredulous, since there hasn’t been a Sex Robot sighting on the Black Mesa space station in years. I offered him a drink from the bar and tried to convince him I wasn’t howler-monkey batshit-crazy. Just regular-for-me crazy. “I was sitting here at this very bar when I noticed a hot chick just glaring at me. Like she wanted to kill me. And that’s just Tuesday, you know? When I let them know it’s been fun, but they aren’t getting an access card to my crib. I chuckled a little, and poured myself another.” The lictor waved me on in my story. “Yeah…well, this bitch just kept mean mugging me through the window. And I was about to go have it out with her, when I realized that the window was a porthole. And this chick was staring me down from outside the space station. Without a space-suit on.” As I was talking to this cat, half of the council filed into the bar and started staring at me. The council has a simple policy when you’ve pissed them off. They space you, or they put you in charge of the thing you screwed up. In space, usually that also kills you. Hilariously. I think they wanted to space me, but I had a VHPS-12 Plazma rifle in my hands at the time. So they put me in charge of repelling a potential Sex Robot Incursion at Black Mesa. So I need a favor. I need you to hunt down Rogue Sex Robots and bring them to Black Mesa Armory. Deactivated - if another asshole shows up at the Armory and throws a live killer sex bot into the place like a grenade I’m gonna lose my shit. How can you tell it’s a sex robot and not just another pissed off ex? Sex robots in hunting mode do the spider monkey thing. They don’t walk anywhere. Walls and ceilings, no floors. Second, they will keep chasing you even if you flee in a space suit. Third, the cheap Russian ones have exposed mechanical shit all over. But listen, so do some of the hottest cyborg chicks. If you bring me a dead cyborg hottie on accident, you are going out the airlock. What do you get in return? I don’t know - I’ll think of something.
